Hi again –

I thought it was about time to dive into my archival drafts. I’ve had these on hold since early January.

In doing so, I hope to bring some relevancy from my thoughts 3 months back to those in the now.

“I can be more than this”  

“I know I can”

“I know that life can be more than this”

Day three of 2016 had me wake up with this lingering feeling as though I could be putting more into my life than I already do? Living more, experiencing more, sharing more. BEING MORE.

This feeling has been overwhelming since I returned home. My daily question is “Am I right where I need to be at this very moment in my life?”. And then, soon after, I begin to question the unimportance of this claim and that moments are hard to be measured. ((side note: It’s a constant contradictory with me. That’s why you should consider yourselves very important people with strong mentality capacities if you have the ability to keep up with me throughout my verbal quarrels))

Although, you would assume that my answer would be clear. That this life would be easier to understand now that I have experienced new things. This way of thinking is completely wrong. I feel changed but not whole. I feel saved but still searching. Searching through the portal of life and what it means to LIVE MORE in the moments which are yours for the taking.

I dove deeply into a d’n’m (deep and meaningful) with my cousin (also 19) tonight. It was on the topic which circles everyone’s minds: Sex. We were discussing about the moments and how we feel that it is not just an act, but more-so a precious thing. Furthermore coming to the conclusion of saving ourselves for marriage (or- AT LEAST until we are absolutely in love with the person).

My cousin spoke of how she has already discussed this matter with another friend and they responded with:

“Yeah but what happens if you are with someone and you know they are right and the moment is right and they are the one”.

A simply put as this, she told them:

“But, I like to think that I can be more than just a moment to someone” 


If you’re going to commit to something than it becomes more than just a fleeting moment.

After I got blown away by the simplicity of her sentence of pure face slapping revelation I searched my phone’s notes for anything I had written about moments. To my surprise I found this.

“The world told me I was missing out.

I replied with ‘You don’t even know what I’m going to do next. Why waste it for the pleasure of a small moment?’ ” 


Gosh, we were on a roll!

I want more of these moments. The realisation ones.

They are what life is about.

Observing and realising; and then relishing in your realisation.

In the meantime, between my blog posts on here: check out some new content on a different blog I’ve just started writing for. 

love you all –

x El

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