Snakes & Ladders

My marketing assignment is chilling in a different tab behind this one. Because I would rather write on a topic which I have been feeling on my heart to write about this past week than write 2000 words of ‘HERE IS MY MARKETING GOAL FOR A BRAND I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE’.

But hey, that’s the reality of my life at the moment. I’m holding onto that last glimmer of hope. There is about 4 weeks and 5 assessment pieces separating me from a well-deserved holiday.

I’m going to be real with you. 

I want to talk about the feeling of being inadequate. Not good enough. Useless. Hopeless. Pathetic. These words hurt me as I type them. But what hurts me even more is that I’m not the only one who has felt these feelings. Others around me have too. Someone like you.

If you are a deep thinker like me, these emerging thoughts are frightening. You’ll begin to chew over those words and how they could be true. Day by day you’ll start eating away pieces from your heart. Your self- confidence is the first piece to go.

You’ll start to justify and accept these false accusations about yourself.

I was having a conversation over dinner about bullying which is still quite evident in schools despite numerous campaigns used to stop/limit it. It’s not okay, that this is still happening in schools. I have no ideas on how to stop it. Spreading love will only go so far through a closed mind.

Because, when you leave school and enter the realm called “the real world” is when you start to realise that the bullies have hacked a way into your system, spreading words of hate to your inner core.

And it would be all well and good for me to just tell you this.

That you are worth it. 

However, at the end of a busy day/ or week, you’ll probably still go into your room, lay on the floor and cry until you feel your heart could break. You won’t know the reason why, but these thoughts will emerge again, making you feel as empty as the tears which keep falling.

I urge you to please talk to people if this happens to you. 

Talk to someone you know will respond in a helpful way. Spreading encouraging words not just “Awww gurrrrrrrl, you are overreacting”.

Okay no thank you. I’d like to order some real friends please. You know, the type who care about me. Thanks!

Because, you’re not overreacting! This is real. It is difficult being a participant of this deadly game of life.

I know what it feels like to literally explode into a crying frenzy on the bathroom floor (just ask my Mother during the years of 2010-2012). It’s uncontrollable and unmeasurable by anything by the pure fact that,

you        are          sad.

And for whatever reason that is (sometimes identifiable),

it            is            okay.

Because, as my Aunty said to me, “To get you through those ‘down’ days, you must tell yourself that an ‘up’ day is on it’s way”. 

Like a snakes and ladders board game, some days you’re up, sometimes you’re down.

And I will keep reminding myself of this. Because seeking happiness every day is not easily attainable, but you can try.

If you are feeling these thoughts and have no one else to talk to, I would love to chat with you.

If this behaviour continues further, I urge you to contact Lifeline Hotline on 13 11 14. Please. 

Love to all.

El x

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A photo of my friends being chilled & cool

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